Boundaries with friends – Gwen Grynfeld

Gwen Grynfeld runs Boundaries With Friends from The Folkestone Bookshop.  She returns for a spring session where the purpose of the workshops are to understand good and not-so-good communications with friends.  Sometimes you can say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ effectively, and other times it becomes a struggle.  How can you be your best self, and understand others?  Folkelife met with Gwen to find out how the workshops work.

“I grew up in Canterbury but find Folkestone a much better place to collaborate and communicate with people.  It’s an incredibly creative place, and I’ve found I can work here, and enjoy it.  Even in the depths of November, or the greyest days of winter there’s something here which I can only describe as magical mycelium!  Everyone knows someone, who knows someone, and if you’re interested in something they’ll put you in touch.  

“As a result, I’ve worked here thanks to Terry Smith and the Strangelove Festival.  I’ve been a tour guide at the 2021 Triennial, worked at Folklore, Foras, Restock, down at the Harbour over Christmas in Kristina S Williams’ hut.  It’s great how these networks grow.”

The Folkestone Bookshop

“I love the guys at The Folkestone Bookshop, they’ve been incredibly supportive in my venture. Boundaries With Friends has been running since 2024 and I wanted a space that would be safe and where people can feel grounded.  It seems so important at the moment, with the world the way it is, that our verbal and non-verbal communication needs to be understood, and not misconstrued.  When we get in a muddle like that it makes situations worse.  These workshops are the best thing I think I can be contributing with my experience as a communications coordinator, puppeteer and project manager.”

puppetry and communication

“I originally trained in ensemble and physical theatre and then met a woman called Juliana Krueger who had puppet heads.  She was awesome.  Unfortunately, she moved back to Austria with her family, but before that, we worked together in puppetry.  And puppetry is really useful for communication as you are constantly in dialogue – either verbal, or non-verbal with people you’re sharing the space with. This is what we’re doing in the workshops too.  We’re focusing on verbal and non-verbal communication and active listening.

“It’s also important to slow down, in order to do this.  If you’re stressed, then things move a lot quicker, and our nervous systems don’t have time to understand what the other person is saying.  The pressure of time can lead people to not understand the reason for doing a task in a certain way, and questioning as to why can be seen as a criticism.   Yet, if someone has bothered to question why something is done in a certain way, maybe they’re problem solving, and actually collaborating to get the task done in a better way.”

processing events

“We all process events in a different way.  For some, you could process an event with anger, and others might panic and not respond because they feel they’re being attacked and the situation escalates.  That’s not to dismiss anger, but knowing when to take five minutes, have a cup of tea and remove yourself from the situation, is a good skill to have.

“Equally, if you freeze in a situation and don’t respond, this doesn’t lead to a constructive conversation either.  So how do we resource ourselves for those situations?  We overstep people’s boundaries – not because we’re inherently bad people, but because communication is messy, and we are figuring it out as we go along.”

boundaries workshops

“I’ll be at the Folkestone Bookshop on Thursdays from 19th March to 9th April and I’ve called it Springbok Back.  As we’re coming into spring, let’s feel like we can take on the challenge of listening, and communicating with each other.  Springboks jump for joy.  It has an actual word – to Pronk, and it’s the best word ever and brings me a lot of joy!  Let’s all pronk into spring with the skills to make things better for me, and hopefully for others too.”